I have not reached out since April 1st btw. Deep down, they are hurting souls and not the cruel calculating individuals theyre perceived to be. He wants nothing to do with me now. You are in debt for everything nice he does for you. So he did not contact me for three weeks and than text me i did not respond but next dAy i saw him in a shop. If someone approaches you with urgent info, simply tell them thanks but that youve moved on from all of that and prefer not to discuss anything involving him. I still secretly hope he comes back just so I have the pleasure of saying no! But since you used no contact, your ex is not annoyed by you. So, as far as theyre concerned, the more supply they get, the better the relationship. I mean that. The person you thought he was does not exist. That's exactly what my histrionic disordered ex said to me. Perhaps being in two different countries helped in protecting me from worse manipulation (and perhaps seeing how ugly his behind-the-scenes is). It has been over 2 yrs that my ex broke up w me according to him because I send an old guy friend a meme I LOVE YOU FRIENDETC SEND TO 15 OF YOUR FRIENDS. The one who really understands him. Sadly I still Love him dearly, despite losing everything & him calling the Police & threatening to get me put in Jail !!!!!!!!!!. He actually told me, She is the total opposite of youshe is sooo nice, laid back, and she adores and worships me! Now, this is from a man who always made fun of me for being TOO nice and TOO laid back! This seems to be true no matter what has happened before. then I found out why. I installed an number blocker on my phone just in case. So much. Often my thoughts and actions at home and work do not make sense now; and some are illegal, unethical, and stupid. Turning his family on me . He also seemed to get off on the attention he would receive on FB from him almost all female friends list. I no longer qualified as a suitable actor. I have gone no contact but he always seems to find a way, I am strong and have no intentions of ever letting him gas light or hoover me back to his destructive way of contorting the truth and blaming me for everything and then in the next breath telling me how much he loves me and misses me and can we please go on holiday together when this pandemic is over. That judge has no clue the abuse and the wreckage that woman had done to me! graciously letting you know that he isnt angry with you of course no mention that one should be angry with him for his appalling and predatory behavior What would you do if I wasnt here to support you? After hearing statements like this all the time, you eventually start believing it, and your self-esteem suffers. I couldnt handle this so I blew up, he left me the second time over this woman, we divorced that year, he said he had fallen out of love with me because I had become this crazy non trusting woman, and I had hurt him to the poin that something had snapped inside. Being the victim of narsasistic abuse is very tough. When youre in a relationship with someone and think you can trust them, you might feel comfortable enough to send them nude pictures. Hes above the law and honestly theres no justice when dealing with these mental idiots. Imagine being a woman in an extremely religious lifestyle (Amish, Mennonite, etc) where you are taught to be submissive and beneath your husband and men in general and are dealing with narcassism . Where he used to be able to (really well) fake his love etc. Now, I feel that if one is to be a friend, that they might want to extend their friendship to me as well. Eden I hope you heal and acceptance that it was never about you will help. The healing here is astonishing. CRAZY TOWN!!!!! but I have days where I feel hes driving by or just feel his presence sometimes. They wont ever leave if we do. I struggle with the fact that years later he tried to deny our relationship (his words and actions too). At that point, thats the one thing the narcissist can never take from you againno matter what he or she decides to do after that. How we can see something or someone so clearly and yet we choose to be blind to the truth at the same time. Relationships with narcissists have a cycle to them that plays out again and again. Just curious to get your thoughts on this. Today after 6weeks.txt.i found a job we could meet to straighten things up. He will never let me talk badly about myself ie if I say something about my part in our break up. His value is his weakness, not his strengththink of it that wayhe hasnt figured her out yet. This and her finally admitting it was her ex in the car broke me. He has multiple relationships and always has drama. Is he really done? It got that bad . Why is this important?? How do you go no contact if the narcissist is your childs father? The next day, Sunday, Im sitting on my laptop with my phone on the arm of my chair and it goes off; I look at itits the ex. He was emotionally and verbally abuse telling me to shut up, the world would be a better place if I couldnt talk. It got ugly but I loved him so much, I forgave him everytime. Mature people can break up, unblock and still be in a fairly good term with their ex. Not intentionally, just when you are child growing up in that, that is all you know and that is your comfort zone, on a nearly subconscious level. I mean after all she has done to me I really am sorry for her pain. Or even worse, that I will reflect that in a way other people around us will notice instead of playing along with the smoke and mirrors routine we used to do together. There were many things that didnt fit. -Irresponsible/reckless behavior Always. Sometimes I feel really light when I remember I am free from all the bullshit. I moved to dayton , ohio met a narcassist named quan i am a widow he sought me out . If the narcissist was the one to end it, he or she might have cut us off, as if we never existed or mattered. Officially divorced for 16 months and I still think about her every day. If you know youre not mentally strong enough to remain friends with a narcissist, dont do it. a narcissist. She posts all sorts of things on Facebook making her seem like she is wealthy , champagne pictures etc and how happy she is. To my core. Im seeing all this sometimes all the time. Thank you. These exes are typically very empathetic in nature, or theyre actually empaths. She does not even know me. Much appreciated. If a letter comes, dont open it, burn it. We cant hate because thats not part of our makeup. Just stay away and let the new supply figure it out for herself. You have to find a way to get your own closure. Anyway I finally decided to see if this connection was for real (yes I know internet trolls exist, so I expedited meeting him), and before deciding to share any more information to a guy I had never met. It's just another narcissistic tactic for casting doubt, instilling anxiety, and retaining basic control over your emotions. Maybe its just a matter of time he contacts me again. Its a grieving process, just like grieving a death, loss of home, loss of job, etc., and youll need to go through all the stages. When I turned around, he was behind me so I went into the house and pushed my door together while I gathered up the equipment then I took it outside on the porch and handed it to him. I wish you strenght and all the best for you and your son. Thank you Eden, That helps me a lot. Once you stop reacting for good they find a new victim! What their relationship style . And every time I think to myself a real narcissist would never apologizewould never admit his frailty. But once I pick him upremind him of his valuetell him I believe in him and see his strengthits only a matter of days or weeks before he finds a reason to fight and the silent treatment begins. It really is tricky with a covert narcissist as they dont do the really mean things and only do the rage thing occasionally. Still, the deeds were the deeds. I enjoyed A Narcissists Love Letter. Ive come to accept he will neve change and that he will never ever come back to me ( not even to apologize for the hell hes making me go throught and affecting our son too). Yes ! So, O sent him a mail as well as a letter. Also, while he was here, I told him I couldnt find the remote to my livingroom tv; I wasnt sure I packed it up in his stuff when he left that night but I told him if he happened to come across it, fine. Cuz I'm with someone else or i can reverse hoover him or manipulate him to hoover me back. In fact, we end up feeling much worse. He talked incessantly about everything..why people behave the way they do and how childhood impacts negative behaviors, blah blah. [] Hoovering Creating the false illusion that he/she is sorry for their cruelty. Everyday its a struggle to get back to myself and he has caused so much emotional damage. I seem to remember saying to you a few weeks before we left school that I needed to be away from and also take a step back and really look at how I felt about you and our relationship. We had been to many counselling sessions I alone went. & they want it for themselves, They will literally destroy you, slowly & painfully to get it, There will be another. But i am so F.. volanerble I feel i am not over him yet. I totally expected the ex to call back and bitch but he didnt. He is always busy and when he is at a quitte time he feels the love sometimes. I found out through the grape vine of mutual friends that she was getting engaged, some kind of arranged marriage i can only assume. I was on the phone with a cousin and he calls. I still feel so in love with my Narc ex and I dont know how to get rid of that feeling!! Confirm you had be eloquent enough and hope is nana is better.. I am totally spinning, dont know which way is up, I find it difficult to make decissions & I feel completely Lost without him !!. Yet friends are telling me they have never seen him happier. He has a new supplya very nice/sweet lady (I was told). I guess since I saw thru the illusion he saw no need to keep her around. Its often the case that victims trying to recover will need the services of a professional therapist for clinical conditions such as PTSD, depression, childhood issues, etc., and then also work with someone who can help them understand and heal on a different level thats often not addressed in traditional therapy. Please tell me what helped you. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Oh this makes me so sad to read. I hate this "man". However, if they dont want to see him, I wouldnt go out on a limb for him unless there is some sort of court order in place. THIS is Why Narcissists Refuse to be Accountable, What to Do When the Narcissist Downgrades After You, Are You Addicted to a Narcissist (and if so, What Do You Do About It?). I had to acknowledge him, and he I. Sometimes they come back to see if they can still mess with your mind but once they see you are on to them and they cant convince you to side with them anymore, they usually slither away. Every single action employed by the narcissist stems from a pathological need to control others. I spoke to him by email and regretted it. In many cases, they are even harder to get over. I have been practicing the no contact for almost a year, very hard! Which is dumb, but I still find myself wondering. Any other advise would be greatly appreciated. I will always have the best side of him in my memories, so I honor that and try to be at peace with the rest. Trust me. If you can tolerate the emotional rollercoaster that will come with maintaining a friendship with a narcissist, then go ahead. I am feeling embarrassed because my narc hoovered me today and it worked. That may be a clue. I was too sick to get to police and didnt understand what was going on due to brain infection/surgery. But the actual discovery of an affair (long term plus who knows what else) and this last year of attempting to reusitate my marriage, has allowed me to see him and his behaviors much clearer than before. Its a terrible brain wash these creatures put us through. Wishing you all the best. We analyze to death just to understand. -Not giving partner recognition for things that normally would be considered very nice gestures of sharing but always expecting recognition for theirs He started popping pain pills right after the third year. Hurting you makes her feel better. He may move in with her but it wont last. Telling them they are a Narc does nothing but enrage them. I didnt respond; I wanted to throw up! They broke up a week before the contact but he was still pretending they were together, sick really!! I thought that, but no just new supply and they will get it too eventually. Also, the fact that she is (from what I know) still with this guy really has impacted my psychology in a negative way. This is the same selfish shite who left me in debt with unpaid bills, and in the time that he had stayed in my house he had bought two investment properties and of course he also left me his cat. Matt, you need to block her on FB. when the narcissist stops contacting you. He is very prideful too so I thought I would not hear from him either. From the perspective of a narcissist, it makes sense. Yes, not all of them are equally sadistic, but only garden Narc is a neurotic type (neurotic means people, who can empathise). I tried and tried and she blocked me out! I bought him 2 cars which were never good enough. That tarot card reading has me spooked. I want her to get in contact, so that I can be the one to finally say , we are done. It seems almost abstracted now that so much time has passed and its me who seems absurd talking about the specifics of what happened. I tend to be biased, I guess, because my Ex is one of the malignant ones, and I often leave out the fact that not all Narcissists are as sadistic as my Ex. Other women I have dated that possesed BPD traits were easier to see their faults. In normal relationships, breakups are not always mutual. You can find street hookers with better hearts than your most recent ex. Thats the tough part. What is worse, however, when dealing with narcissists, is feeling the effect of their lack of empathy and cruelty. He is sick and will not stop I do not know how to stay away when my daughters and yes me would do anything for him to change. He went off again, screaming, repeatedly calling (I forgot to block my new number when I called him so he had my # again), sent many emails saying horrible things. Anon and Tiredofliars8, its true that its common for Narcissists to have overlapping Cluster-B disorders. His ex girlfriend would always be calling him and inviting him places such as the lake or parties. I love hearing myself say these things as I imagine how they sound to you, and how enthralled with me I imagine you are. When the narcissist leaves and then returns, it dysregulates neurotransmitters in our brains. Even though he struck back with a vengeance, I think I outsmarted him and that makes me feel great. Now i think on my timeline of my life. Kim, is it safe to say that one of the main differences between a NPD and BPD (besides the fear of abandonment) is that BPD behavior is more on the non-malignant side and NPD IS malignant? My narc has ignored me for 9 months until last week when he approached me about our home. He even gave me advice and a shoulder to cry on when I was dealing with issues with my mom. He parades her around, introduced her to his family, now contacting our old friends he ignored since divorce, but he is totally hiding her from me. There is much turbulence in my life now because of this. I have a protection order but he doesnt care. I have examined my heart and mind, and I love him purely and truly. [] N will come back again and againafter initiating their silent treatment until you just cut them off. Its important to let others know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Youd love it. He withheld his banking information from me, but needed access to mine. You wont change her, so keep the peace, but continue No Contact is my best advice. You suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm syndrome, crippling self-esteem, and depression. To gain power, a narcissistic ex will try to convince others that you are the one who harmed them. I keep giving people more maturity points than they deserve. Jamie, if I were in your shoes, I would file a restraining order, citing the information you shared here. He knows what I think of him. So, Im fairly certain hes done with me. He even wanted to be close friends with his ex-wife who happened to remarried. I let him in my home he changed over night became verbally abusive controlling manipulating . LMAO. So from this point onvten years ago til now had has been Im control. It happens slowly, over timeso that when the relationship comes to an end the victim doesnt know who they are anymore. IF its true, and that is a BIG IF, she may just stroke his emotional ego sooo much that he doesnt care. I received a text from her shortly after her borrowing the money that she had a check in the mail for me! Walk away and find someone who respects and appreciates you. **************** Thing is my ex was meant to be picking kids up and the end of our street but hes been pulling up outside our home for them and when he does he says things like whats for tea, you want me to come back over tonight dont you , smile Im only joking hell say. And yes, I did everything I could think of to show him I adored him but the day I asked him to speak to me with respect I was completely devalued and discarded. This statement shows the true colors of a narcnot whether or not they are guilty of what you accuse them of as they will never have a real discussion about thatbut now they are the victims of you unfairly saying they are abusive and tarnishing their fake reputation. As soon as I read, he treated me like a queen when he wasnt a crazy maker the BPD read signalled in my brain. You wont see it coming, it will be a very strategic, and calculated move, and theyll wait until youre at your most vulnerable to attack. I will have to be strong and say no otherwise will go back in the vicious circle. She doesnt seems as excited as she was a few months ago, says its alot so soon. No i am letting go. Would the fresh start include reparations with all the people the narcissist and his sidekicks directly contacted privately to point out this or that smearing observation about me in fact in this area they would have to contact the national grouping of those in our shared sport of hang gliding as at one point my personal communications with a support forum were found by him and then published publically in a national forum so this fresh start, does that include some sort of national statement to repair that damage? Cry it out, talk to friends and family, write it down, cry some more, talk to a therapist, read all about it, share your story..and day by day, piece by piece put yourself back together. He doesnt deserve an explanation, or any communication at all. I dont acknowledge her birthday or anniversary. There needs to be repercussions. Whatever your faults are as a human being, they pale in comparison to what is fundamentally wrong with him/them. I am in no way shape or form insinuating that women narcs/borderlines are worse than male narcs. If you had started dating him again it would not have been long before he would have discarded you again. Then he apologized and wanted to be friends. Thank-you for your kind words. Since my ex has found out, I have had him slandering my name to mutual friends. The male I spent 7-1/2 years with is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend and her brother-in-law and has been for nearly 25 years. 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